I think I have a month left in Malaysia before going off to a new environment and i'm scared.
I'm scared I can't adapt. I'm scared I can't live up to their academic standards. I'm scared I disappoint people back home. I'm scared I don't even meet my own expectations. I'm scared I won't make friends. I'm scared I can't make Pennsylvania feel like home.
I'm even scared of the little things like buying luggage. I've been adjourning purchasing one because I know everything I want to bring won't fit. I'm scared bantal busyuk doesn't make the cut. I'm scared of having to leave certain things behind. I'm scared i'd be in need of those things. I'm scared of telling people how annoyed I get when they ask me when i'm going to leave or if i'm excited (which i'm not). I'm scared to tell them how I don't want them at the airport because I'd be this emotional wreck listening to them say goodbye. I'd want you there, though.
I'm just scared.
I just had this fight with ma. Heck, I always end up having verbal disagreements with her and what makes me sad is that I can't turn to you after that. I really miss how when I was younger and when me and her would have a spat, I'd go to your room and you'd be like "we don't friend mummy". Gosh, I miss that. I miss how you find humor in the most bitter situations.
I don't know why I just wrote that but I guess this is just me really miss being a father's daughter because end the end of the day I guess that's what describes me the best.
