The ruin I've made.

"Love blurs your vision, but after it recedes you can see more clearly than ever. It's like a tide going out, revealing whatever's been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbled fish bodies, bones. This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes, not knowing the future. The ruin you've made."

-Cat's Eye by Margaret Atwood.

A severe case of wanderlust.

Live match wanderlust that is. I think it's been a year plus since I last went to a live game. Ever since the whole pre-season tour buzz broke out, I just want to quench this thirst of going to the stadium and sit there for 90 minutes while periodically doing fist pumps after goals are scored or mentally cussing some player for his missed pass. 

I often envy those season ticket holders. To do mexican waves and hold part of the mosaic and have my confetti get stuck in my hair (which i'd probably take out and then place it in my purse because i'm a memory hoarder level: 989378931). To walk towards the entrance of the stadium, tummy in knots and goosebumps spreading on my warms. To hear it erupt and roar when goals are scored. Whatever feeling that a live match could render.. Gosh, I want. So. Bad. Right. Now.

P.S: I know I shouldn't be feeling overly stoke about pre-season but man I can't help it (which is probably a bad thing because I know what happens when I get my hopes up). I really hope it takes place and I'm desperately hoping that I'll find my way there with zero glitches.

.

It was as if the rain was obliging to the solemn news I received from the other end. It was hard to shake off such a thing. It came out and clouded my mind, relentless. At that moment, whatever degree that connected us didn't matter.

I tried to stifle it but every bit of hasty desperation trying to hush my thoughts were no more than a mere floundered attempt. I couldn't care less about how monomers are hydrolyzed or what happens to the molecule structure of glyceride once is dehydrated. I was solely fixated on the news I got.

I can never fully grasp things like that, even though I've had a similar account happen to me.

I can never find the words, or rather find the courage to provide solace. Because i'd be a first-class hypocrite if I said "stay strong".

I can never see the end to grieving but I can assure you that you'll see the silver lining that'll come out of it.

Al-fatihah.