Snap back to reality.

Unfortunately.

This was what life was:
Thank you, to whoever made that pie chart on tumblr (: It's downright precise. The exact symbol of my laziness for the past seven months.

Time to relinquish every ounce of semblance I had.

Handing in that imaginary WAG membership and resolving all those fangirl issues of mine.

This is what life is gonna be:

As much as I don't want to, I have to.

College.

Great, just great.

"Success is the only motherfucking option
Failure's not."
Lose Yourself|Eminem

68

That's what would've been, 68 today. But no, cancer robbed it.

“Cancer chose the wrong guy”

-Shia LaBeouf.

And although his referring to his Wall Street co-star Michael Douglas, that quote replays in my head almost everyday.

Its just plain cruel. Ruthless.

Or am I just being selfish? Because I want things, many things.

But fuck no. The first rule in economics says it all: our wants always exceed our means.

I wanted you to be there at the turning point of my life, but no. The turning point of my life just had to be November 1st, 2007.

You constantly said “doing homework alone is not studying”, hoping it would be drummed into my head, but my unbending self didn't absorb it. I was stubborn, super head-strong that I 'll tell a mule to eat its heart out.

I was foolish. Rash.

Eventually it became my mantra.

Too late.

And I kick myself about it all the time. You should know how sorry I am. This remorse, never left me.

“I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself” -Vindicated, Dashboard Confessional.

And I wish you could see it too.

Wish you were the one that would text me wishing me good luck for every exam.
Wish you were the one who took me to my first game.
Wish you were the one calling me to the kitchen to lick out the last bit of chocolate cake batter.
Wish you were the one I hold hands with while I cross the road.
Wish you were the one I stayed up for the World Cup with.
Wish you were the one I turned to about a math problem.
Wish you were the one congratulating me about my achievements.
Wish you were the one yelling not to munch my bantal busuk.
Wish you were the one behind the lens for graduation and half-colours.
Wish you were the one settling all my things for college.
Wish you were the one who gives me the consent to drive.
Wish you were the one possibly walking me down the aisle someday.
Wish you were the one seeing me in a mortar board, with a degree in hand, smiling ear-to-ear.

Just wish you were here.

Transitions and milestones seem meaningless at times.
Hold my hand through life, that's the only thing I want.
Happy birthday.