"Lets rearrange, I wish you were a stranger I could disengage"

I cared too much.

I hoped too much.

I used to think I would regret not going, now it's the opposite.

I regret everything.

I chased like a fool, a fool that was only fooling herself it turned out.

The first would hurt, I knew well enough it would.

Well, I didn't expect it to hurt like fuck.

I used to label you blind, it turns out i'm the one who couldn't see it.

It's like my judgement was so clouded by how you were that I neglected the fact that we all have flaws, including you.

I don't blame you, it's more of a self-deprecating phase.

I was so naive, so blunt, so... stupid.

I guess in some ways I should thank you, if it weren't for you I wouldn't have a lesson, a reminder.

Never hope. Never wait. And never care for someone who doesn't give a shit.

And suddenly, I become part of the past

Becoming the part that don't last

I'm losing you and it's effortless.

Over my head| The Fray

"Where do you run to escape from yourself?"

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the failure of a child whose carrying everyone's damn hope of ace-ing every fricken thing in the planet and be on every fricken deans list and go to whatever damn school that pops up at the top of their heads.

Well, folks witness all you want and be disappointed. Frankly, i'm not sure why you'd have this expectations of me in the first place. I don't see myself as smart. And although i'm grateful to have been granted a sponsored education on a tertiary level, I look back at think that boy "I don't really deserve this."

Lackadaisical? I'm not sure.

I've always tried to figure out my talent through out high school. I've observed on how my peers possessed talents they could turn into their possible careers; writing, photography and modelling. And i'm like.. "err, so what do I fall back on if I screw up academically?". Nada. Hence, the reason behind being all kiasu back in high school. I never expected myself to be nerdy or anything, I just felt like I had to for my own sake and not to please the mak ciks or whoever who's being ultra expectant.

I feel like I'm not that kinda person anymore. I just.. I don't know how else I should put this but I feel like I've lost my appetite to do excel academically. It's just.. hard when all of a sudden you become bad at something you're good at. And hell, it's even more of a horrible feeling when everyone knows you for that and expects you to do well.

Ugh. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say from this post but God, I just want to rant. Please, just stop being so expectant of me. Stop all the comparisons. Stop having hopes. Stop setting goals. Instead, support your kid. And when I mean support, don't set me as a damn example (cuz i'm NOT a good one) and start comparing, just please. And one other thing that irks me the most is being labelled 'smart'. Just stop, okay? Stop. Cuz when I let you know how much I screwed up my first semester, you'll finally know all along you shouldn't have called me that in the first place.

"The tension is here,

the tension is here.

Between who you are and who you could be.

Between how it is and how it should be."

Dare You To Move| Switchfoot.